This type of stress appears when you are about to give a speech or make a toast in public. The thought of shame makes you even more determined to stay alert and clear-headed.
However, chronic stress (prolonged periods of worry) often over nothing major can have very damaging effects on your health. In addition to being a known gateway to depression, chronic stress raises your blood pressure and can lead to a stroke or heart attack.
Chronic stress is common, so it will take some time to get rid of it. Identifying what gets you going is one of the first steps you can take toward a lighter heart and a happy mind.
1. Keep a stress journal
Yes, this old chestnut again. Write down everything that stresses you out during the day: the traffic, the voice of your boss, the terribly slow waiter, the lady who cuts the queue when you’re already late. It doesn’t have to be rational, you just have to write it down. You can also rate each situation on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most stressful.
The idea is to see how much stress you handle on any given day. Once you do, you’ll likely realize just how much and how soon you need some stress management techniques.
2. Look for patterns of stress
After you’ve diligently written down everything for two weeks, look for patterns. What has stressed you the most? Was the waiter at a snail’s pace? If so, why? Is it because you were late? Or was it his general laid-back attitude that bothered you intensely?
If you were late for an appointment, start 10 minutes early. Give it a try a few times and see if you feel better drinking your coffee. If this doesn’t work, just change your coffee place.
The idea is to look at what gets you going on a daily basis. Start your day stressed and there’s virtually no chance you’ll get better.
3. Help to control the stress of thinking
Thoughts turn into feelings very quickly, and negative feelings are often followed by stress and anger. For example: a colleague may have made a comment that you found unpleasant and hurtful. You didn’t deal with it at the time, but now it’s festering in your mind.
You’re angry, you’re disappointed, you can’t believe you have to work with someone like that every day. You’re probably at home losing sleep over this and not being able to do anything because it’s midnight.
This is about as familiar a scenario as it gets.
So when the thought of “vicious colleague” comes to mind, cut it off immediately. She will try to come back, so she has to be alert and cut him off again. Choose one of two ways to deal with it. Ask yourself if this colleague is the type of person who is in the habit of making such comments.
If it’s a definite “no,” then the comment was probably poorly worded and was not intended to put you down.
If you can’t say for sure, tell yourself that you will reach out to this colleague as soon as you can. Prepare a script before you go. The last thing you need is for the situation to blow up and cause you more stress.
Say something like, “Hey, you said something about my homework this morning. It sounded like you were bothering me. Was I wrong?”
In this way, you will find out if you really made a mistake. If you didn’t, you can tell this person that you won’t take any sarcastic attitude while you go to bed. If they know they will fight back after a certain type of behavior, chances are they won’t repeat it.
4. Deep-seated triggers of stress
Suppose you have a boss who speaks to you in a certain tone of voice. Others seem to be able to deal with it easily, but no matter how hard you try, you just can’t stand it and it aggravates you daily… and you don’t know why.
In cases like these, it may help to discuss some of your stress issues with a counselor. Another option is to do a guided meditation with a certified practitioner who can help you figure out why you are particularly sensitive to that tone.
It may be that you were bullied as a child and something in your boss’s voice reminds you of it. It may be that the tone reminds you of an incident that made you feel small and unworthy.
Your boss may not actually be trying to do any of those things, but that sound brings up emotions that puzzle and hurt you. Once he has identified the trigger, he can separate his boss from his past incidents and he will be able to listen to that voice without feeling fear or discomfort.
It is important that you resolve these issues with a qualified physician. An app is not a substitute, and in this case, you could end up doing more damage.
Stress is a fact of life. There’s no way around it, so all you can do is avoid getting hurt by it. You have come this far in life and you will continue. Better days are yet to come.