Have you ever done something that you regret and replay the scene over and over in your head? Or maybe you have one of those nagging, recurring thoughts that go through your head from time to time. When you live with bipolar syndrome, this is a way of life. You do stupid things depending on your mood and then play them like a broken record for years to come. It’s a nasty habit, with some horrible falls.
Bipolar syndrome can darken your mind and mood just enough without adding guilt, real or perceived. However, when guilt is added to the equation, it can make things worse. So how do you deal with guilt and problems without severely affecting your self-esteem and self-worth?
The first step is to know yourself and be honest with yourself. If you know that this is not normal behavior for you, take a breath and let it go. Sometimes we make stupid decisions when we are not at our best. Getting angry about it will do no good. Instead, understand yourself, know your warning signs, and take a proactive state.
Which brings us to the next item. Have someone you can trust. If you can’t trust yourself to notice these behavioral cues, ask someone else to give you a nudge when you head in the same direction again.
Solve your problems. If there’s something you do when you’re manic or depressed that you don’t like about yourself, change it. For me, when I got manic, I used to get really drunk and do stupid things as a result. Because of this, I no longer drink, manic or otherwise. In this way, reaching for a bottle is completely out of nature and therefore not something I tend to do when not in a normal state of mind.
Make yourself notes, lists and reminders. This can go a long way in ensuring that things go smoothly no matter what your mood is. When I’m manic I tend to forget appointments. As a result, I now write everything down on the calendar, in my mood journal, and also tell my husband. This way, if I were to go manic, as I did recently, life continues on a semi-normal path.
Get on something. Learn something new, give back to your community, or just pick up a hobby. Having something to fall back on can help with your self-esteem and can also combat those negative, guilty thoughts that being bipolar can bring with it.
You’re always going to struggle with guilt for your behaviors and just plain bipolar, but that doesn’t mean you have to have a tight grip on your self-esteem. With just a few changes, you can take back control and work on becoming healthier.