If I had to make a top ten of the most difficult words in any language, this word would be my number one choice. It is also one of the shortest. This simple sound has destroyed countless races; it has brought people to the depths of depression and has broken many hopeful hearts. It’s the horrible, ugly word “NO”.
“No” is every salesperson’s nightmare. The “no” has turned rejected lovers into vengeful maniacs. And – as any parent will tell you – “No” can turn the sweetest child into a manipulative monster. In fact, this two-letter word is so destructive; one could argue that it is banned from our vocabulary due to the damage it has caused over the centuries. But I can predict what our linguists would say to that: “No.”
REALITY-TV
In the United States, the nation is watching another season of “America’s Got Talent.” I pity the three judges who have to sit through an endless parade of geriatric belly dancers, Whitney Houston deaf wannabes, drag queen and hip hop contortionists with egos bigger than their beefed-up physiques. And they all think they’re the next big act to hit Vegas, worth a million dollars. All I can think is: who opened this asylum… and who is going to close it?
However, aspiring actors, musicians, athletes and even job seekers have something in common with these strange people. They too, listening. They may not make it on national television, but time after time they have to face the final verdict that could shatter their dreams into a million pieces. But not. You may be auditioning for that spot on the team, that seat in the orchestra, or hoping to land that job interview. No one wants to hear that nasty two-letter word “NO.” But what to do if the worst comes true? This is what I learned about rejection gloom.
CONFIGURING YOURSELF
The biggest disappointments are always well planned. Yes, you heard me: we are preparing for disaster. Expectation and disappointment are twins. Evil twins. The longer we wait, the greater the disappointment. Watch “America’s Got Talent” for a few minutes and you’ll see the following tragic story unfold: A camera zooms in on a middle-aged librarian who displays all the obvious signs of a sedentary lifestyle. The talent tells the interviewer, “I have been blessed with a unique gift. From the moment I took my first breath, I knew I was destined for greatness. I am definitely going to blow the judges’ jaws. This is the moment I have I’ve been waiting my whole life.”
He approaches the microphone; she introduces herself to the world and begins to rub her hands together. This had better be good! The next thing we hear is a sound that can only be described as someone breaking the wind to the tune of “America the beautiful.” Yes, we are impressed!
The audience begins to scream; the judges hammer their red buttons and moments later, our slick hero is crushed and crumbling under the weight of humiliation that will haunt him for the rest of his life as a librarian.
BIG EGO, NO TALENT
Lesson number two: know your strengths! Small fish who want to play in the big pond had better bring something extraordinary to the table; otherwise the big fish will have you for lunch. An episode of AGT featured a self-proclaimed “celebrity impersonator”. He was so bad that, although he explained what impression he was going to give, no one understood him. I know broadcasters who make a decent living posing as someone else. Some of them are so good they’re scary… they sound even better than the original! But unless and until your impersonation is spot on, don’t tell the world that you’re the next big thing. People may get the wrong impression…
BE REALISTIC
Lesson Three: Get a reality check (before you go on reality radio). In other words: get a second opinion. Get as many second opinions as you can. And please don’t go to your mother for comments. She will love you no matter what. That is her job. What you need is an honest opinion. Go professional. She’s not one of those people who gets paid to chat you up to sign you up for some lazy dubbing academy. A good coach will analyze every ounce of your talent (or lack thereof) and expose you for who you are. A great coach will also tell you what you need to do to improve. An excellent trainer will teach you the tricks of the trade.
BAD LOSERS
Let’s go back to the program for lesson four: have a recovery strategy. I’m still in awe of how inelegant some of the untalented are in defeat. They get defensive, they make excuses, they blame the judges… it’s always something or someone else, right? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for positive reinforcement. But America’s upbeat culture of scheduled positive praise has led to a distinct lack of self-awareness and humility. Thus, the smiling hero of a small town becomes a big angry town, big losers when they hear the dreaded word “No”.
This begs the question: how should one prepare for possible rejection? Should we just wait expect nothing? That way, we will never be disappointed. If you don’t strive to win, you will never lose. Could that be the answer? But what about our hopes, our dreams and aspirations? Isn’t life about taking risks, shooting for the stars, and being the best you can be? If we had been playing it safe, we would still be looking at the moon, instead of landing on it.
Here’s the good news: There is an effective listening strategy that will set you up for the best possible outcome and help you deal with the worst. But that is the subject of another article.