Parents, do you remember the time when you had your child at home and took care of him? So that sweet son of yours is leaving home for college. Do you remember how you felt when your son left? Then, as your child learned to adjust to his new surroundings, you also had to adjust to your new surroundings.
After you got into a certain rhythm or pattern, your child did too. He became more independent. Now your child is no longer just a child, but has evolved into an adult. Being so, now the attitude and personality of your son has changed. He/she is not the same person you knew when the child left.
You may keep in mind that when your child returns, he/she can continue to do chores around the house, keep the same curfew they once had, and follow family rules. You may be so anxious to see your child that you bombard him with questions, wanting to know what he has done or is doing in his studies, who his friends are, and trying to make every minute of it with your child.
On the other hand, your college kid may want to act like he did when he was in college. He may want to sleep late, hang out with old friends, or do whatever he wants.
The only thing you need to keep in mind is that your child has been away from you for quite some time and has developed certain attitudes, structures, and a certain frame of mind that has become solidly placed in your mind and daily regimen. And they are used to it. And they probably like their new role.
So if you are not careful how you treat your child when you return home; you could alienate that child for quite some time, maybe for years. Your child may resent you and develop hatred towards you. Her son will become so distant that she won’t want to come home for any more parties or family gatherings. How can you, as parents, prevent this from happening? Here are some tips that can help you adjust when your child returns home from college for the first time.
1. Negotiate with your child right away: As soon as possible, perhaps around dinner, you should introduce your child to topics such as curfews, car use, phone and internet use, money use , which friends can come and many other household responsibilities. When you talk about these topics, compromise some, knowing that your child will only be going home for a short time. Find out what they want to do while they’re home and see if they’ll be willing to go half the way with you.
2. Be flexible: Whatever you do, you can’t impose your rules on them, especially the rules you imposed on them when they were there before they left for college. Otherwise, they will feel it and you will not like that. So be flexible with them. An example of this may be with regard to sleep. Your child may want to sleep late. If so, let him do it for the first four or five days. Next, let your child know that he needs to get up earlier so he can stick to the routine of his normal schedule that he developed while your child was away. If they stay out late at night, don’t force them to come home at a certain time. Instead, ask them to tell you when they will be home so he can make arrangements to get the child inside. If they stay out too late, they can disrupt the house and wake up someone who needs to sleep to get up for work the next day. Also, if they use the car, agree with them when the best time of day would be good, so it doesn’t conflict with your schedule. Plus, they need to tell you where they can be, so in the event of trouble or an accident, you’ll know where to go to help them.
3. Don’t be bossy: Being bossy will simply force your child to back down and become resentful and frustrated. Your child may find it more difficult to adjust to adult life than he thought. As a result, they don’t need you to do your bit and become demanding and start bossing your child around. Instead, listen to them and listen to what they say. Let them talk about how they feel about problems at home or in the world, then express your feelings. Sharing your thoughts and feelings in this way will create a stronger bond between the two of you.
4. Accept who they are: Having been in college for a while, they learned to develop a new persona or personality. Be aware of this and learn to accept it. Don’t look at them like your son anymore. Look at them like an adult. Act like a friend to them, not like parents. Show them that you care about them and that you’re willing to accept their new look, friends, and even their independence. The most important factor here is appreciating who they are.
5. Act like you’re glad they’re home: The biggest challenge for any parent is coming to terms with the fact that their child has returned home after being away for months. If you complain and complain about every little thing your child does or says, it will surely make the child upset about coming home. So this is the time, you as parents need to adjust your attitude and make it look like you are glad your child is back home. Of course, they may want to hang out with their friends while at home. But casually mention that you’d like to spend some quality time with them so you can do fun things with them before they have to go back to college. Treat them with respect and dignity. Greet them cheerfully and with a big smile on your face. But also allow them to have their freedom to some extent. This way, they will be happy to be back home and look forward to quality visits with you in the months and years to come.
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