“Mom, he’s looking at me with his eyes!”
How to prevent sibling rivalry? Don’t have siblings in your home? If it’s too late to taste that only child, it might be time to start working on dealing with sibling rivalry and coming to terms with it. Yes, that’s right: accept it.
It is nobody’s fault; it’s just what they do
Sibling rivalry is something that happens, even in the most perfect families, even in the most idyllic homes. (Remember Cain and Abel?) It is natural for Child A to feel usurped from him as a baby. It’s natural for Child B to feel like the second row, reserve team. Wait and see what happens when other letters are added to the mix later in the game. Accept that sibling rivalry is going to happen. Accept that you can’t stop it or that you didn’t make it happen. And accept that no matter how carefully you try, any intervention will seem like you are siding with one or the other of these fighting brothers or cutting sisters.
You can’t fix it all the time
Your eighteen-year-old son can drive to work and then to college classes without anyone with him, but your sixteen-year-old is still working on your permit and you have to have him sit next to you. This is not something you decided, it is not a rule you made. And while any reasonable person would understand, there’s no such thing as a reasonable sixteen-year-old. You walk in one day to find the two of them with their heads entwined in the living room, the signs of their fight evident all over the room. There isn’t much you can do at this point other than point out the fact that fighting is never the answer and that you are disappointed in the behavior. Two-year-olds will fight over the same toy, even if neither wanted it before the other grabbed it. Twelve-year-old girls will be upset because they can’t wear big sister’s makeup or high-heeled shoes. It is part of your childhood and the way you learn to treat each other now can set your relationship for life.
Arguments are okay, physical fights are not.
Will the little angels go their whole lives without fighting? You’re lucky if they can get through a full meal most of the time. Set limits early, reinforce them early, and then let them figure these things out for themselves. The rules are simple: no name calling or physical fighting.
Yes, you love them all equally but not the same.
Okay, the great mom secret is spilled: same is not the same as identical. You might love the funny way a child smiles or the way your son looks like his dad. You are likely to share something with a child that others don’t care about. Just because you and your youngest can sit under a tree and read doesn’t mean you like it more, just that you share a common interest with her.
Uncommon but interesting in common time
Just because you don’t share the same interests doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spend time with your other children. Make an effort to connect with them, especially when they get to the age where they feel the most withdrawn from you. Let them know that you care about what interests them and that you care about them.
Remind them what family means
Look at your relationship with your own siblings to get an idea of why they are behaving like rabid wolves. If you haven’t talked to your sister because you still hold a grudge over the doll she ruined when you were young, or you rarely call your brother, it’s time to patch things up so you can set a good example. After all, you can choose your spouse and your friends, your family are the treasures that are given to you whether you want them or not.