It can be easy to become self-centered, and I can easily see why so many people are so focused on doing things in their own best interest.
Whether it’s money you’re after or climbing the corporate ladder, being self-centered seems like the logical approach to getting what you want.
But you have to remember this: if it’s money you want, or that promotion, or that project you need to complete, ultimately, you’re going to have to depend on other people, and people will be less willing to work with you if you’re self-centered.
You will also discover that if you are self-centered, there will be no one there to help you in your time of need when you need it most.
So here are 12 ways you can combat self-centeredness:
1) Really listen
Really listen to what others are saying and try to absorb everything they say. This may seem like common sense, but when some of us are in conversation, we only hear the words people are saying and don’t really understand or listen.
Try to remember the things that are happening in the lives of others. There is nothing worse than asking the same questions to the same person every time you meet.
Think about it: how would you feel if every time you meet a particular person, you have to ask them what they do for a living? To me, I would feel like they never really cared about what I told them the first time and that they were probably more concerned with themselves.
2) Offer Help
If you can afford the time and effort, you should always try to offer to help. Maybe a neighbor or family member is installing hardwood floors or installing a new garage door; offer to help.
Even things like offering to drive someone to the airport or offering to pick something up without being asked will really make you sound like someone who cares.
These little offers help build lasting relationships and while they may be small favors, to others, it will feel like you’re doing everything you can to help.
Normally, whenever I tell others that I’m doing something (like painting a bedroom) and someone offers to help, I usually decline the offer, but in the back of my mind, I really appreciate their willingness to help. Those offers to help me do not go unnoticed and I will usually be the first to come to the aid of those who have offered help in the past.
3) Be humble
Got a new big screen TV or a new vintage vase? Don’t brag or bring it up unless others ask you, and even when they do, you don’t have to pretend it’s such a big deal.
Instead, let that new big-screen TV or antique vase do the talking. There’s no need to point it out to others or add more comments lest you want to appear more materialistic and selfish than you really are.
If all you do is talk about how expensive or quality your new TV is, you’ll not only turn your audience off, but you’ll also lose the effect the TV was supposed to have in the first place because others will start thinking “why?” who cares?”.
4) Do not compare yourself with others
Do the Joneses have a new car? A new parlor game? A new barbecue set?
These are the kinds of things that can lead to jealousy if you constantly compare yourself to others. Constantly trying to keep up with the Joneses, he will slowly begin to do whatever he can to keep up or get ahead of them.
Is he one step ahead of the Joneses?
Well, then there’s no reason for you to tell everyone that you’re above them because if you do, it will only make the situation worse and only promote more of this competitive behavior on the part of the “Jones”.
Instead, be happy for the “Jones” – there’s no need to show who’s better than the other because in the end, when you die, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.
5) Get a compliment, give a compliment
When someone compliments you, return it.
It should be a great honor in itself to receive a compliment from someone and one of the best ways to thank them for the compliment is to return one in return.
For example, if someone says something like, “You’re a good husband,” then come back with something like, “Well, I’m not as good as your husband! He’s so much more ______ than I am!” You’ll be surprised how well your “rebound” compliment is received.
In fact, this will encourage them (as well as others) to compliment you more frequently for things you do well, and maybe even for things you hadn’t even thought of. You will find that these compliments will only encourage you in everything you do and give the impression that you are thinking of others and not just yourself.
6) Always Remember to Give Thanks
Whenever someone helps you, offers you things or gives you things, always remember to say thank you. Even if it’s something small and insignificant, saying “Thank you” shows your appreciation.
Sometimes it may be wise to even go out of your way a little to show your appreciation. Things like taking someone out to dinner as a thank you for something they did helps show how genuine your “thank you” really means to that person.
The last thing you want is to be seen as ungrateful because the more ungrateful you appear, the fewer people will be willing to do things for you.
7) Give praise
If you talk about other people, try to praise them and keep negativity out of the conversation. Doing this will show the strength of your character because you are not negative to other people behind their back.
Spread a little positivity when it comes to talking to other coworkers or neighbors and you will come out on top as a positive person. Before you know it, everyone will want to work with you or have healthy conversations with you.
If all you do is criticize or talk bad about others, people will start to get the impression that you think you’re better than others and if word gets out about what you’ve been talking about, more and more people will start talking. . on YOU behind YOUR back.
8) Whatever actions you take, think of others and not just yourself
If it’s more money you’re after, don’t think you have more money for yourself, but rather think about the financial security this extra money can bring your family and how you can share the fruits of your labor. with your friends.
Whatever you do and whatever actions you take, don’t do it just to achieve a selfish goal – think about how it could benefit others.
By having this mindset, you are sure to find others who are willing to help you and assist you in your cause. Not only that, the actions you take will be done for the good of many and will be much more rewarding once your goals are achieved.
9) Keep an open mind
Uncle Ted filed for bankruptcy again? Is your cousin pregnant out of wedlock again? Has your friend Joe been fired for the fifth time this year?
Before you start gossiping with others about what’s going on with these poor guys, stop and have a really open mind when thinking about their situations. Put yourself in their shoes instead of thinking you’re better than them.
I’d venture to guess that some people would probably be delighted to hear such gloomy news about other people because it makes them feel better about themselves…they’ll start thinking “I’m glad it’s not me”, or even “Ha, look at their situation, At least I’m nowhere near his level of incompetence.”
Also think about how you would feel if something bad happened to you. If you’re the gossipy type and something bad happened to you, I can guarantee that others will talk about it and I wouldn’t be surprised if others are happy that it happened to you. After all, you did the same thing to them, right?
10) Genuinely care about others
If you hear that someone was involved in a car accident or that a co-worker is sick, genuinely care about them. Even if you have never put the person in question, your primary concern should be for those whose lives they touched.
Ask if they are okay and ask if there is anything you can do to help. Treat everyone like family: When you care about others, others will care about you.
By expressing your concern in this way, you are letting others know that their concerns are their concerns too, something most people hold dear.
11) Involve others in your plans
If you’re planning a road trip or even a simple cookout at home, ask if others would like to join. This will really show that you enjoy the company of others and that you are willing to share your experiences with them.
Don’t think of that road trip or barbecue as something that should only be enjoyed by you, but instead think of it as being shared and enjoyed by those around you. Also, the more the better and I’m sure you’ll have a much better time in a group than alone.
Whenever other couples have invited us on a road trip or even a vacation, I’m honored to have been included in their plans, even though I know they’d probably prefer to spend that romantic vacation alone.
12) Be a good host
Whenever you have guests, be a good host. Make your guests feel like home is their home, and most of all, feel welcome.
Remember to do the usual: ask her if she would like a drink, if she would like a bite to eat, if she can keep her coat. This makes others feel that you are putting their comfort before yours.
It’s that repeated concern for others that people will remember and help make them less likely to think you’re self-centered.