To be successful in life, we learn early on trading techniques. We start negotiating like babies, knowing that when we coo a certain way, we get a favorable response. When we say mommy or daddy, our parents respond with smiles, hugs, and kisses, and we begin to learn that if we give others what they want, we will get what we want. As we get older, we start to learn to negotiate verbally. Our parents tell us that if we eat our vegetables, we will make them happy and we can get a toy (or whatever makes us happy). Or, if we do what they want, like clean our room, we get a certain CD that we wanted. As we mature into adolescence and early adulthood, we find that the art of bargaining is useful when we want something more substantial. For example, we will do anything to get our own car and offer to do things in the years to come to have that special transportation. As adults, we have already learned that negotiation is the basis for acquisition. In business, negotiation is used several times a day to achieve whatever it takes to make a deal. In marriage, negotiation becomes the art of staying together, and when marriages don’t work out, we find that our negotiation skills are what we need to get out of the marriage as intact as possible. It seems that negotiation is central to our lives, as we find that we are always negotiating in one way or another. So is there a difference between negotiation and mediation, or are they the same?
Negotiation* is defined as:
1. confer, discuss or negotiate to reach an agreement
2. to make arrangements, agree or conclude (a business transaction, treaty, etc.)
3.transfer, assign or sell (negotiable paper)
4. succeed in crossing, overtaking, traversing, etc.
Where, Mediation* is:
1. The act of mediating; intervention.
2. The state of being mediated.
3. The act or process of mediation; friendly or diplomatic intervention, usually by
consent or invitation, to settle differences between people, nations, etc.
* Webster’s New World College Dictionary Copyright © 2010 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Cleveland, Ohio. Used by arrangement with John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
In short, negotiation is the art of reaching an agreement with another party through discussion and compromise, and mediation is ending a disagreement between at least two parties through the use of an intermediary who has nothing to do with it. do with disagreement. We use negotiation regularly in everyday life, but we use mediation only when we cannot reach an agreement with the other party directly. Although both methodologies employ similar aspects, mediation uses a more formal protocol.
In our daily lives, we use negotiation to help facilitate what we want and make our lives easier. In a marriage, the art of negotiation is essential to allow the marriage to continue. When marriages cannot continue, for whatever reason, it is usually a sign that negotiations have broken down and mediation becomes necessary to allow the marriage to continue or end. Counselors act as objective third parties (mediators) with appropriate training who essentially help parties find answers and learn to negotiate their problems. When counseling doesn’t work, meaning the parties no longer wish to negotiate their issues, then mediation is the next step, orchestrated by family mediators who help the parties negotiate the end of the marriage and allow them to continue on with their separate lives. .
Ending a marriage through mediation allows participants to leave the entity with a measure of respect and a greater ability to move on with their lives. While “moving on” is very difficult for most people who have been married for many years and who choose to end the marriage, it is a necessary and significant outcome. For those who cannot “move on” it is strongly recommended that they seek counseling to help them in their new roles.