Has something ever happened to you in your life that, at first glance, seemed like a terrible misfortune, but when you look back, you see that it was actually a valuable experience, that taught you something you needed to learn? Sometimes events that look or feel so terrible at the time turn out to give us inspiration or a new direction and focus.
A fable I read many years ago perfectly sums up my point:
A farmer had a horse, but one day, the horse ran away and the farmer and his son had to plow their fields themselves. His neighbors said: “Oh, what a bad luck that your horse has escaped!” But the farmer replied: “Bad luck, good luck, who knows?”
The following week, the horse returned to the farm, bringing with it a herd of wild horses. “What wonderful luck!” the neighbors yelled, but the farmer replied, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”
Then the farmer’s son was thrown while trying to mount one of the wild horses and broke his leg. “Ah, what bad luck”, the neighbors sympathized. Once again the farmer replied, “Bad luck, good luck, who knows?”
A short time later, the ruler of the country recruited all the young men to join his army for battle. The son, with a broken leg, stayed at home. “What good luck that your son has not been forced into battle!” the neighbors celebrated. And the farmer commented, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”
In my own life, as a teenager and early twenties, I got involved with drugs and alcohol and ended up broke, literally homeless and in trouble with the law. I had no hopes, dreams, or sense of direction in my life. I was completely lost, at a true crossroads and in tremendous pain. I felt like there had to be something better than this. So I decided to choose something better for myself.
(Notice that I didn’t know what to choose, but I knew what I didn’t want, which was my first step).
The first thing I did was stop drinking and using drugs, get a job and start looking for a way out, which was not easy for a 22 year old. Boy, did I feel sorry for myself. Looking back almost 30 years later, what seemed like the end of the world was actually the beginning of a whole new life, one that I never would have found if I hadn’t crashed and burned at such a young age. I am now living a life that I could never have imagined when I was 22 years old.
Find opportunities within challenges
This morning, I was talking with a dear friend who has just been diagnosed with cancer for the third time. She shared with me that on the two previous occasions that he had undergone cancer diagnosis and treatment, he had learned incredible lessons along the way. While she wouldn’t wish this on herself or anyone else, she can recognize the gifts her journey has brought her.
He went on to say that after the shock of the news that the cancer had come back, he realized it. While she doesn’t know if this third episode will be her “her time” or not, she did realize that either way, she has some unfinished business to address with two of her children. While she would normally prefer to avoid this problem, she now feels that she must face it. Through the terrible news of her, once again, emerges the urgency and the courage to face her most difficult problems. She has decided to be honest with her children and share what she needs to say in her heart.
Successful people share with me, over and over, similar stories about some perceived terrible event, such as a divorce, illness, or loss that drastically changed the course of their lives. However, that change may also have led them to a place that is indescribably better than they could ever have imagined. If those supposedly terrible experiences hadn’t happened, they may not have found the determination to make other changes happen along the way.
I am not suggesting that there are no such things as tragedy or loss. What I am saying is that loss and grief can be only one aspect of a difficult experience; Positive aspects can result from making meaningful experiences out of our challenges. For example, a mother who lost her son to a drunk driver formed Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD), an organization that has saved many lives. Helen Keller used her lack of sight or hearing to teach the rest of us important lessons about life. Nelson Mandela spent half his life in prison trying to bring peace to South Africa, but he broke out of his cell to lead his country as its first post-apartheid president.
The next time you sense something really bad, try to remember that it could also just be another gift in disguise. It’s all in the way you look at it.
“There are no mistakes, there are no coincidences; all events are blessings given to us to learn.” -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
“Every adversity contains an equal or greater benefit.” -Napoleon Hill