You are surprised at how unfamiliar you feel with your own body and your own sexuality; how are you convinced that if you only inhabited some other body, everything would be perfect.
Well, let me share with you a little secret: you are not alone.
The plain truth is that most women know more about their clothes than they do about their own bodies. Women know the style, the fabric, the designer, and the fit. Women buy clothes that they feel good in when they try them on or at least the clothes that they think will be appropriate for a particular event or situation. Look, I’m the last person to downplay the importance of clothing and designers, but don’t you think now is the time for you to become more knowledgeable and comfortable with your own body and sexuality?
Paraphrasing an old saying, as your knowledge and embrace of your body goes, so does your sexuality.
So for now, let’s agree to leave the clothes in the closet. Let’s agree to focus on satisfaction and fulfillment. Your satisfaction and fulfillment.
On your terms.
With your body
It doesn’t matter if you’ve always felt uncomfortable talking about (whispering) sex and sexuality. It doesn’t matter if you’ve always blushed when you read the word “masturbation.” It doesn’t matter if you’ve never had the nerve to look for your G-spot or the courage to ask your partner to do something “special.”
You’ll.
So this is my promise: We are going to talk honestly about sex and your sexuality, about your body and your satisfaction, in a direct way that will be informative and fun. OK? Alright.
So breathe. That’s right, breathe.
I want you to relax. I keep reminding you to relax because talking intimately about sex and your body and your enjoyment of sex can be uncomfortable, if not awkward and intimidating. I know that. But it’s just us. You and I. We’re in this together.
Most women feel somewhat uncomfortable with their sexuality because of their religious background, upbringing, or their personal sexual and sensual experiences. Often, they feel uncomfortable thinking about themselves in a sexual way because they feel dissatisfied with their bodies.
Does it sound familiar to you?
Well, let me tell you another secret: almost every woman is uncomfortable in her own body (yes, even those women in the magazines by the cash register). Whether it’s her skin, her nose, her eyes, her breasts, her stomach, her hips, her butt, her legs, or her stretch marks… whatever. Ask any woman in the world what’s wrong with her body and she’ll give you a long list of her “flaws.”
So, in addition to leaving your clothes in the closet, we’re asking for a moratorium on you thinking your body has flaws. Either way. While we’re together, you’re a goddess. Plain and simple.
Treat yourself to fancy that thought for a moment. Nice, isn’t it?
My thought is that if all women feel they have these flaws, then maybe they aren’t flaws at all. Having a poor body image of yourself is universal enough to be “normal,” which, I’m sure you’ll agree if you think about it, is a bit strange. How can it be “normal” to think that there is something “wrong” with your body when “bad” supposedly means “not normal”? So the first thing we’re going to do is get rid of the unhelpful and probably downright harmful idea of ”normal.”
Over time, many of us have been made to feel that our bodies are unnatural, our sexuality is secret, and our desires and passions are shameful and should be suppressed. After all, a nice girl wouldn’t want to do that!
Do you want to bet?
Our sexuality and sexual expression have no natural limits, nor should they as long as it does not harm us or anyone else. Whether it’s masturbatory, same-sex, straight, multiple partners, or a full spectrum of play, fantasies, positions, or practices, sex and sexuality are natural. Sex is what we are. Sex is what we do.
And the sex is good.
Everyone is sexual. Everyone has sexuality. However, through what I call ignorance or cruelty of our cultural dynamics, women have received the message that it is not “good” to be sexual; in fact, the message has often been that it might even be harmful. As if sex could really be bad for you! Sure, you must protect yourself from disease. What I mean is that fully sexual activity is natural and should not be repressed. Unfortunately, the message has been powerfully effective. Women suppress sexual desires and sexual experimentation for fear of what men will think of them if they are too sexual. After all, our “virtue” is the foundation on which all of Western civilization is built.
That’s a big burden to bear, but while our “virtue” may be important to society and culture, there is no natural contradiction between virtue and sexuality. Some of the most wonderful, happy, and kind people I know are very sexual and sexually fulfilled, some in monogamous heterosexual relationships, some in homosexual relationships, and some single, free, and “out there.” They are living sexual lives full of virtues for themselves and others while sharing their sexuality with their partner.
If you’ve ever wondered why it can be so hard to just let go and allow yourself to embrace the depth of your own sexuality, it’s probably because you’re weighed down by the burden of carrying thousands of years of Western civilization. So, drop the burden of carrying Western civilization on your poor, tired shoulders for a few moments and get in touch with your sexuality. And don’t think for a second that you don’t have any sexuality to get in touch with. You have it all right, like everyone else. It’s just a matter of discovering it, exploring it, coming to terms (your terms) with it, and incorporating it into your life to maximize your happiness and well-being.
Does it seem like a threat to life as we know it? shouldn’t Say the word out loud. Sex. That? Is there no lightning from above? Now say, “sexuality.” Still no lightning? Okay, now with a loud and proud voice, say “My sexuality!”
Don’t be embarrassed or modest, everyone has one. It’s time to explore it, feel it, touch it and get intimate with your own sexuality.
Sexuality is not something static. It’s not something you can put in a box and take out on special occasions. It is an ongoing dynamic part of all of us. It is the “you” that embraces the journey of your life. It’s your passion (and ironically, not just your sexual passion). It is an integral part of who you are as a complete and satisfied human being. Sexuality evolves from within and blossoms as you feel more secure in who you are. Sexuality is a process. Sexuality is an expression of the inner personal strength of us as women and of knowing who we are and what we like.
And always has been. That is, before a bunch of tired old men forced a patriarchal social structure on us because they were freaked out by the fact that women had the potential to have multiple orgasms; that we could bleed without dying; and that we had within us the means to produce all future generations. That’s right, that’s what we do. Impressed? intimidated? It doesn’t matter, that’s what we can do.
It also seemed to scare them that we had passions for life, learning, and the world.
It scared them that we wanted to embrace the world. Well, that was too much for those old men. Or, as written in an Old Testament story that resulted in the massacre of an entire community, they realized that we might be attracted to “uncircumcised giants.”
Men’s tender, fragile egos and feelings aside, embracing our sexuality sounds pretty uplifting, empowering, and awesome to me. It’s a shame that society seems to be concerned with the acceptance of a woman’s sexuality; of your acceptance of your own sexuality. After all, your sexuality doesn’t have to be a threat to anyone. Not society. Not your family. Neither your husband nor your partner. It’s a good thing. For you. For your partner or partners. It is not a hammer to hit someone; it is an essential part of who you are.
It’s you.
Don’t fear him. Hug him.
And never, ever let anyone tell you what’s wrong. This has been going on for a long, long time with no benefit to anyone.
Let’s get personal and start talking intimately about your own sexual satisfaction.