Your intuition is usually a good gauge to determine if your husband is cheating on you. Chances are she has known her partner for several years and hopefully she was faithful to begin with. If you compare the man you married to the man you currently cohabit with and see drastic differences, chances are there are other changes as well that you may not be seeing. Gradual shifts in behavior or temperament can be a sign that something has gone wrong in the relationship and “something” needs to be looked at. Some obvious signs are generally unavailability and inconsistency. If he’s ignoring you, or just not making an effort to spend time with you, it’s easy to guess that there may be someone else in your husband’s life.
Quality time
Men are social creatures who thrive on intimacy. We rarely prefer to be alone than spend “quality” time with our partner. Warning, spending “time” is not enough. In case you’re wondering, reviewing bills is No Quality time; Neither is cleaning the house or rearranging the furniture. So, stripping away those mundane responsibilities, how much “time” do you actually spend with your man after work or on the weekends?
Will you go to happy hour or the gym every day after work? If you leave at 6pm and get home around 10pm every night, there’s probably a woman taking up most of that time (unless of course you work in the valley and are stuck on the 405 freeway) . Does he get up early on Saturday morning to play ball with his friends until 2 in the afternoon? Well, in this case, he’s probably on the court playing, but the fact is he doesn’t want to spend time with you and is looking for reasons to run away.
Sex
It may sound like the villain for saying this, but if your sexual output has dropped since you took your vows, then you may be the biggest contributing factor to your husband’s infidelity. If you’re wondering if I’m tolerating infidelity, the answer is “no,” but you need to acknowledge your part in this situation.
For us, sex is like the water of a relationship. Without her, the relationship dies. A friend of mine once liked sex as “communication” for women. Imagine if we came home every day, walked past you and went about our business without saying a word. Most likely, you are quite upset. Imagine if a week went by where no words were spoken. Now imagine two weeks, or even two months. Would the relationship die? It is quite self-centered to assume that sex is less important than communication.
Now, I know there can be thousands of reasons why you might not be in the mood anymore: the kids, the recession, Fox News, etc. These same factors also affect men, but we still do our part to nurture the relationship with communication.
If you want to save your marriage, maybe you should take a look at 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets written by the guest of one of Oprah’s highest rated episodes, Michael Webb. I know… men need to read it too.
the asshole
No, this is not a continuation of the previous section. Some of you may have just married “the asshole.” This is the guy who is going to cheat on you no matter what you do. You know the guy. Just give him time and he will show you his true colors. Your friends have tried to tell you about him for years in every way but openly, but you stay. If you think hard enough, you’ll remember that he was dating someone else when the two of you started getting close.
Signs that you are with this guy:
1. When you need something from your email, it will stand you up so you can log in instead of just giving you the password.
2. His cell phone has a password that you don’t know.
3. Turn off your phone as soon as you get home to avoid unexpected text messages.
4. Take “business calls” in another room.
5. He is a grown man who occasionally spends the night at his best friend’s house.
For this guy, there is no way to save his marriage. There is no solution, but to leave. You’ve heard this before but you haven’t done anything, so I’ll move on.
Solutions
For the rest of you suspicious ladies, I suggest the following read.
“Save My Marriage Today” by Amy Waterman. It is the most practical, easy-to-follow, and comprehensive system available for people like you, in marital crisis, who want to salvage their marriage and get back on the path to a healthy, lasting, and fulfilling relationship.