“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” -The cute McLaughlin
After marrying Vinay, I began to notice the married people around me and many questions began to arise in my mind. One thing I noticed was that many people were married to the wrong partner, so they were not happy and satisfied; I also realized that even after 20 to 30 years or more of marriage, people did not understand each other and felt claustrophobic in the marriage. I was wondering why? Then after having a close relationship with God and seeing how God had blessed my marriage, I realized that God has a chosen partner for each of us. Therefore, each of us has a soulmate with whom we are not only supposed to go through and live our life, but also fulfill the purpose for which we are here. But sadly most people are in a wedding they shouldn’t be in, that’s why there is no understanding and people are just fighting their marriage.
Many people spend more time planning the wedding than planning the marriage – Zig Ziglar
THE COMMON CHOICES PEOPLE MAKE
Usually when a girl or a boy is of marriageable age, which I have generally noticed, families or the future boyfriend or girlfriend see a typical set of points that when the checkbox is checked, the alliance manifests itself, especially In the kind of society I live in in. Other companies may have different criteria. But what people often base their marriage on is: What does the bride or groom look like? Are they beautiful or handsome, how much do they earn? How is the family, if it is the girl they are looking for, then the girl will be compatible with the groom’s parents? This tends to be of more concern to the child’s parents than to compatibility with the child. What type of economic background does the child come from? And the funniest thing is that professionally, if the boy is an engineer, he will look for a girl who is an architect; If a boy or girl is a doctor, they usually look for someone from the same profession. But honestly, is this marriage? We seek compatibility in professions, not in our personal lives. When you start living your life together and situations knock on your door, it is not your profession but the understanding between the two of you that will help you deal with the situations. So don’t settle for good enough when God has something exclusive for you.
Recently, one of the partners of our Foundation called me; They have been looking for a partner for their son who has given them the responsibility of finding a life partner for him. Parents recently visited us and saw the kind of understanding that Vinay and I had, so they wanted my opinion on what to look for for their son’s life partner. What I told you is what I wanted to share with everyone who is reading this article. When I first got married, I got married at nineteen and a half and was just trying to understand what life was all about. It was an arranged marriage, my parents wanted to get rid of me and I too was looking for an escape from my parents who had made my childhood a pittance. So I thought maybe through this I would have my own family, my own home where I will not be judged and criticized all the time. Look, there was a reason I had. What happened? The marriage was a disaster.
CHECK YOUR MOTIVES
The basic problem with most marriages is motive: marry because the boy or girl is beautiful; marry to escape the current situation; marry because the child is financially well off; get married because I could be getting old; get married because they finished their studies and do not want to practice a profession, so it is best to get married; marry because the child’s life will stabilize because he does not win; marry so that the two business families earn a lot through the alliance; get married because now I’m pregnant, I was wrong and now I want to legalize it; get married because I feel lonely; and many more similar reasons.
WHAT DOES COMPATIBILITY MEAN?
But they are wrong, they are all wrong and that is one of the reasons why marriages fail or even after being married for 20-30 years seems to be the wrong choice. Marriage is a knot that must be loved for life. Every time you look at your spouse, you thank God for the partner he has given you instead of cursing your spouse or yourself, your parents or your destiny. Marriage has to make two people grow and complement each other in life. I don’t know what people usually understand by compatibility, but what I told our Foundation partner is what I want to share with you.
God has put special gifts or traits in each of us that are unique to us. Compatibility arises when we complement each other with those unique gifts, instead of expecting the other to be like our mom, dad, sister, or brother. God has made each of us unique, therefore, husband and wife must complement each other, and when they do, they complete each other. Although unfortunately there are couples that instead of complementing each other, they are competing with each other. When the couple is at war, no one can save the house.
MY STORY
Before I married Vinay, he had a covenant with God. He had asked God to send the person in his life who would do God’s work and whatever girl came to propose to him, he would say yes believing that she was God’s chosen for him. Here, after all the bitter experiences in my life, I wanted a person who would love me, understand me and respect me. And lo! There came a situation in my life where I was forced to propose to Vinay, although it seemed strange at first, but then my friend encouraged me by saying that I had nothing to lose. No one in the world knew about this covenant between Vinay and God. When I proposed to her, she didn’t see my background, she didn’t judge me for being a divorcee and mother of two, she just saw it as God’s choice and she agreed. And honestly with God for the last eleven years, it has never been in our life that we have not thanked God for joining us for the kind of understanding and love that we share.
God has reserved a person for each of us, but our mind does not want to accept it and questions. We don’t want to trust God enough to believe in His choice, and as a result, we pay our entire lives for the decisions we make. The key to this is what God commands, He pays for it, and when you order, you pay for it. Let God be the one to decide what is best for your life. He knows who he has reserved for you. Recently someone from my family visited us and had a question for both me and Vinay. I wanted to know how we had a perfect understanding. My response to her was, keeping God first in our life and letting Him decide who is best for you. For those who are already married there is still hope, whoever you are married to, surrender the marriage to God and “marry” God, that is, develop your relationship with God because God is the Master in fixing things. When you marry God while you are married to the person of your choice, God will help you fix all of those things that need to be fixed in your marriage. Give your burden to Him, trust Him for your life and your marriage. Vinay sometimes tells me that it scares him when he thinks about the moment I proposed to him and if instead of obeying God he had let his mind convince him.
CONCLUSION
I want to encourage all the beautiful people who want to get married – clarify your motives. You are not here to fulfill your purpose or that of your parents. You are here to fulfill God’s purpose, make Him your mentor, and whatever decision you make, especially when selecting a life partner, put Him first. He has a purpose for your life through this marriage. God’s Word says let peace be the arbiter of your decisions … If you are at peace in doing something, go ahead and regard it as God’s will or else keep waiting on Him.