I rejoined Match.com a few days ago. I have belonged to Match 4-5 times since the early 2000s. I rejoined because they have the largest database of potential partners. Before returning to Match, I was on a couple of smaller dating sites, but they just didn’t have enough members to be effective at what is essentially a numbers game.
At this point, I’ve only recently “dated” one person I met on a dating site. I was more interested in her than she was in me, and we ended up being friends, but she woke me up, opening me slightly to realize how much I want a partner in my life. But since I still can’t talk about the dating part of internet dating this time around, this article will focus on meeting people. It will also focus on a man’s perspective, but I hope it will be helpful to women as well.
The last time I was on Match, my inbox literally exploded with over 90 responses to my profile in a couple of days, and that’s happening again as I write this. I don’t attribute that to me being some kind of fabulous guy (although I think I am!). I think the real reasons why my inbox explodes are two: one, as a professional writer and counselor for men and couples, I write a really good profile and I would like to think that it is part of it, but I also think that it is because I am fresh meat.
Fresh red meat. To quote the Eagles, “There’s a new kid in town. “The women are older, yes, but there is a large market of women aged 60 and over, divorced and widowed, who are looking for a partner.
I only need one. What is correct.
Separated, not divorced
I don’t step in right away when a previous relationship ends. I have been married twice and my personal style is to re-know who I am as a single before unfairly imposing myself on a potential new partner. As a consequence, I am a little surprised that some of the women who initiate contact with me are only separated, their divorces are not finalized yet.
I can’t help but wonder how someone can move into another relationship before their current relationship is complete. It may be over, but it is certainly not complete and it is doubtful that that person had a chance to be fully cured. It is too fast. My experience supports the idea that these are people who cannot bear to be alone and invariably end up carrying the problems of the last relationship into the new relationship, creating a cycle of broken relationships. When I am contacted by one of these women, I politely decline the engagement because I am not interested in dating someone who is still married. This is not a moral judgment. It is a discernment based on the knowledge of how things usually work. Not always, of course, but who wants to roll those dice?
The young woman
I’m amazed at how many “likes” I get from women who are younger than my two daughters. My first thought is always, “what are you thinking?” Some actually invite me to chat, but most don’t and are just flirting through their “likes”, probably “catching up” an older man who will accept them for whatever reason, including support, or being a dad. sugar, or just looking for father-like approval they probably didn’t get from a male figure earlier in life.
Perhaps some of them feel dulled by the discomfort of many younger men and seek a degree of non-threatening contact from men who easily alleviate and address their own deficiencies with mature women. There may be a small number of young women, and men, who actually benefit from one of these relationships from May to December, but here we go again, rolling the dice on something that has reasonably little chance of working.
My own personal rule about dating by age has been that I probably won’t even consider someone who is not at least 10 years older than my oldest daughter. That is becoming less of a problem as my oldest daughter will turn 50 next year. I also like the concept of dating “by age”, whatever that means for each individual, and it’s a personal choice.
Do you have a friend
Clearly, some of the strangest emails I get are the ones where someone claims to be writing for a friend. They start by saying that their account will expire soon, that they are not renewing, and that they have a very shy friend who would be a perfect match for me, and here is the email address and a warning for you to treat her gently. because it is very fragile.
This is wrong on many levels. First, it violates Match’s policy of not giving email addresses on a first contact. Second, there is no denying that there are many fragile and broken people in the world, but (1) why would they accept an email from someone they don’t know if they are so shy? And (2) why would I want to? be involved with someone who is so fragile and broken? Does my shadow love your shadow?
This is a scam and I wonder if they are specifically targeting seniors like me, which brings me to …
The old man and aging
That would be me. I am not suggesting that I would or should date older men. I mean how strange the situation is that I find myself in: I will be turning 73 at the end of this month and I was pretty sure that I would still be happily married for the rest of my life. I never imagined I’d be in a situation where I’m not just writing this article, but on Match.com looking for a partner, hopefully the last great love of my life, and trying to figure out what exactly that means. . I mean 73! Definitely unknown territory.
The first thing that comes to mind is that, at 73, I seem to be at the top end of the Match group of older men. Not the oldest, but definitely close enough that it doesn’t matter. There is good news and bad news: The good news is that there are many men in their 60s who look older than me. The bad news is that I have bad knees that hopefully are replaceable, and that’s my next step, as Alternative Stem Cell Regenerative Therapy didn’t work for me despite the promises.
At the beginning of this article, I referred to the woman who woke me up and gave me the gift of knowing that I could love again. I was hoping I could do it, which is why I joined a dating site in the first place. She is 60 years old and at first she was skeptical of even meeting a 72 year old man and I was put in the position of going after a “younger” woman. Using humor, I enchanted her to meet me and we both immediately liked each other and I am so grateful for her valuable friendship.
One of the challenges here is that, for one thing, some women, both young and old, say that age is relative, that age is just a number. They are right. On the other hand, if another woman says that a certain age is too old, or a man says that a woman is too young, they are also right. Yes, both can be true.
When I first walked onto a dating site a few months ago, I remember thinking, “A lot of these women look like my aunt,” and then one morning I walked over to the mirror and realized that she looked like me. uncle. Welcome to my awareness of my own age discrimination.
Conclution
It is interesting that the urge to love and be loved is so strong in us, regardless of our age. I thank my friend for helping me wake up and not deciding that I’m just going to be alone. I considered it … briefly.
However, while searching, I am also building the best life I can on my own and will have fun doing it. In the meantime, I am now in a relationship with _______ (put your dating site name here), and will eventually replace him with someone I know.
So thanks for reading. My hope is that some of this has given you insight into your own relationship, existing or longed for. You may be inspired to fix your existing relationship so that you don’t end up going through this in your life. If you are not in a relationship, you may be inspired to open your heart to the possibility of love, no matter your age. Either way is a guarantee that you are still alive and vibrant.
I could go on, but you get the idea. I’m going to check if I have a new email from Match!