The saying, we choose our friends but not our family, often elicits a wry laugh. But come to think of it, those relationships are quite different. Do our friends usually see us having a ‘bad hair day’ or do they constantly have to remind them to tidy up their rooms, put their wet towels in the laundry hamper, or fix a broken shelf?
They may do it from time to time, but it is unlikely to happen regularly. They don’t see us grumpy coming home after a hard day at work or in those times when we’re really in a bad mood.
Usually we modify our behavior and rejoice when we see our friends, even when we are at our worst. There is no way we will criticize them as we would our family members. We know they could walk away and end our relationship. And who would blame them if our inconsiderate behavior happened too often!
So our friends can be good at keeping us from being overly sensitive. We can share an in-depth analysis of our lousy job, relationship, or situation, but often there comes a time when we realize that we need to control it and start paying attention to them as well. A friendship can be temporarily one-sided during tough times, but there comes a point where we have to try to recover a little from being depressed, negative, or repetitive, and that’s not a bad thing.
And then there is the fun element. A 2020 survey of 400 people for the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that 68% of the time we spend with friends is doing fun things, such as visiting restaurants, bars, concerts, participating in sports, while the figure for family it’s only 28%.
Do we need to reflect on how we distribute the time we spend with the family? Yes, you do need to do household chores and essential maintenance, but is there a way to make it more enjoyable? Washing, ironing, cleaning are important, but could they be done in a more positive and optimistic way, starting with a change of perspective, where we remember to appreciate our good luck in having a house to clean, a garden to take care of, beautiful clothes? to wash. How many people would be very happy to be in our position?
Remember the excitement you felt when you moved into your first new home, the satisfaction of polishing ‘your’ windows or dusting off the furniture you had recently chosen and delivered, the joy of keeping everything clean and tidy, walking in the front door and smiling. with pride.
How quickly that mentality changes! Another 2020 survey of 2,000 adults by a vitamin company has revealed that we spend an hour a day on basic tasks like washing, laundry, tidying – things that we are highly unlikely to do with friends, and certainly not on a regular basis. . Therefore, it is no wonder that we prefer to be with friends than with family!
But if we elevate those boring and repetitive tasks by introducing some fun, gratitude, and satisfaction for a job well done, it allows for a more positive approach. Begin to notice how you communicate in your relationship with your partner or family, compared to when you are with friends. It can be too easy for family interactions to drift into a mundane daily routine where you share updates and tasks rather than communicate on a meaningful level, especially during busy or stressful periods.
When you are tired and worried, experiencing low energy levels, try to remember to be polite, considerate, and respectful to each other, smiling and touching each other lovingly as you pass. Inject humor into situations and maintain channels of communication in which they are genuinely interested in each other, following the news from the previous day, noting any changes in behavior, showing that you are willing to spend time together.
The most tedious tasks were voted on in the survey as ironing, cleaning and grocery shopping, with only 3% saying they enjoyed the day-to-day routine. But these tasks can be transformed by sharing them and perhaps including a gift or reward upon completion, especially if children are involved. You could share the load in a motivating way, like in “you do this while I do that” or introduce a fun element by singing or dancing while all of you work. Even a little competition could help lift your spirits.
By ensuring positive exchanges with partners and children, perhaps through play and engaging and supportive conversations, you enjoy more enjoyable relationships and allow even day-to-day things to be a fulfilling and meaningful part of your life. That way, housework can become a more positive investment in your quality of daily life.