So, are your husband’s past relationships causing problems in the marriage? Do you want to know what to do about it to make the best of the situation? When something from the past damages the marriage, you must take steps to correct the situation.
Your husband’s past relationships may have been appropriate, but they may cause you some jealousy or frustration. On the other hand, if her past relationships were improper in some way, you have reason to be concerned, but you don’t want that concern to hinder any real progress that is being made. You want to control her feelings to avoid creating new marital problems. You will have to avoid things that trigger those negative feelings.
So what exactly are we to avoid here? And why would you want to avoid those things?
Well, you see, anytime we go to work on your husband’s past issues, we need to know what we can do to make the best of this situation.
So here are the 3 things you want to avoid:
1. Thinking that your husband can’t change in the first place…
The main reason for this is that if you prejudge your husband in this area, thinking that he cannot change, you may lack very little motivation to try. Some changes require a lot of effort, and sometimes there must be a measure of growth interspersed with some failures (though I’m not referring to the failures of her husband actually being unfaithful in the current marriage). If her husband doesn’t feel any encouragement from her, why should he try to change? If her husband’s past problems are related to past relationships, she should avoid feeling that he is still tied to those relationships.
How much avoidance is the right amount? On the other hand, there must be some indication that a change is taking place for you to encourage. You don’t want to be naive, and you don’t want to allow him to engage in ongoing harmful behavior. In the case of your past relationships, don’t ignore the fact that you might try to have an affair with an old flame.
2, second, bring up the past..
And why is that? If your husband is really making changes in his life, give him the benefit of the doubt. If he has been genuinely sorry for past mistakes, grant him the same forgiveness you would want for past mistakes. You’ll also want to make sure you don’t continually bring up the past to give yourself ammunition for arguments in the present. In the case of his past relationships, do not mention them.
How can we know what is really enough or too much? You have the right to remember the past, but don’t remember it against it. The reason you have the right to reminisce is to see if genuine change is taking place. If such a change isn’t taking place, then you don’t want to have your head buried in the sand. The only time to mention a past relationship is when there is plenty of evidence that he hasn’t left that relationship.
3. Third and last but not least, continually mistrust.
The reason for this is that you really want to build trust in your marriage. You want to build that trust in your own thinking, and your husband should really want to build your trust in the marriage. Your husband needs to feel that you trust him, and he should not feel that you suspect him of disloyalty every time he is involved with someone of the opposite sex.
When you avoid these three issues, you can expect to largely eliminate the negatives. This goes a long way toward resolving, eliminating, or avoiding any issues you may have in dealing with your husband’s past relationships causing problems in the marriage.